Ex-Partner Owes You Money? Here's How to Get It Back

It is one of the most common money problems we see: you lent money to someone you loved — to pay off their debts, fix their car, cover their rent, fund a holiday — and now the relationship is over and so, apparently, is their memory of owing you anything. They make excuses. They pay back £50 and go quiet. Sometimes they block your number entirely.

Here is what most people in this position do not realise: none of that changes the legal position. A loan between partners is a debt like any other, and the county court recovers it the same way it recovers an unpaid invoice. This guide covers how it works, including the two questions we hear most — "was it legally a gift?" and "what if I don't even know where they live now?"

Money Between Exes Is Still a Debt

There is no rule that money moved between partners is written off when the relationship ends. If the money was lent — meaning both of you understood it would be paid back — it is recoverable through the county court, exactly like a debt between strangers. That is true whether it was one large transfer or dozens of smaller ones over months, and whether the agreement was written down, said out loud, or made over text.

Real patterns from claims we see every week: lending an ex money to pay off their other debts; paying for a car and its insurance so they could get back on their feet; covering their rent "until payday"; funding home improvements on a promise of being paid back; repeated smaller loans that added up to thousands. All of these are claimable.

Was It a Loan or a Gift?

This is the argument almost every ex makes: "it was a gift." The court does not just take their word for it. It looks at the evidence around the money:

• What the messages say. "I'll pay you back when I get my bonus" is a loan. So is any text where repayment is discussed, promised, or apologised for.
• What the money was for. Paying off someone's debts, covering their rent, or funding their car points to a loan. Birthday presents point to gifts.
• Whether they started repaying. This is the strong one. A person who paid back £300 of £4,000 has accepted, by their own conduct, that the money was owed. Partial repayment then silence is the single most common pattern we see.
• The size of the sums. Courts recognise that people do not usually gift away thousands of pounds they cannot spare.

One honest warning: if the money genuinely was a gift — given freely with no expectation of return — a breakup does not turn it back into a loan. You cannot reclaim a present because you are no longer speaking.

What You Can Claim Back

• Money you lent — lump sums or a string of transfers, with bank statements as the backbone of your evidence
• Bills and debts you paid on their behalf — where it was agreed you would be paid back
• Their share of joint purchases — you paid for the sofa or the holiday on the understanding they would pay half
• Your belongings they kept — the court can order the return of your property or payment of its value
• Interest — the court can add 8% per year under section 69 of the County Courts Act 1984, from the date the money should have been repaid

One area needs a caveat: money you put into a property you owned together — deposits, mortgage payments, renovations on a jointly owned home. Those disputes can involve property and trust law rather than a simple debt claim, and the small claims track is often not the right place for them. If your dispute is about a home you both owned, get advice before filing.

If You Were Married or in a Civil Partnership

This guide is for ex-partners who were not married. If you are divorcing or dissolving a civil partnership, money disputes between you are normally dealt with in the financial side of those proceedings, not in the small claims court. Raise the debt with your solicitor or mediator there instead.

Don't Know Their Address? You Can Still Claim

This is the misconception that stops more people than any other. They assume that because an ex moved out, moved away, or won't say where they live, the money is gone. It almost never is.

A court claim is against the person, not the address. The address is just where the paperwork gets delivered, and the rules are built for exactly this situation:

• Their last known address usually works. If you take reasonable steps to find their current address — asking mutual contacts, checking where they work, a quick search — and still cannot pin it down, court rules let you serve the claim at their last known home address in England or Wales. If they have moved on without telling anyone, that is their problem, not yours.
• Email and WhatsApp can count as delivery. If you can reach them digitally but not by post, the court can give permission for the claim to be served by email, WhatsApp, or even social media. We cover exactly how that works in our guide to suing without the defendant's address.
• Tracing an address is cheap. Professional tracing agents typically find a current UK address for £30 to £100, usually on a no-find no-fee basis. For a claim worth thousands, it is money well spent.

What you should not do: harass mutual friends, show up at their work, or track them in ways that could be used against you. Keep it clean — the court process does the confronting for you.

Blocked and Ignored? That Helps You, Not Them

"My ex owes me money and blocked me" might be the most common sentence typed into our claim builder. Being blocked feels like a dead end. Legally, it is closer to the opposite:

• A letter before action arrives by post, not by text. Blocking your number does not stop it, and sending one is the required first step before court anyway.
• A court claim is served formally. They cannot block the county court.
• If they ignore the claim for 14 days, you can request judgment in default — the court can decide in your favour because they refused to engage. Their silence becomes your win.
• A judgment they still refuse to pay becomes a CCJ on their credit record for six years, and can be enforced by county court bailiffs.

How to Claim, Step by Step

1. Ask once, in writing. A short, calm message or email: the amount, what it was for, and a date to pay by. Keep a copy — even their refusal or silence becomes evidence.
2. Send a letter before action. The formal letter the court expects before a claim, giving them 14 days to pay. A surprising number of exes pay at this stage, because the letter makes it real.
3. File the claim. The N1 claim form with particulars setting out the loan, the evidence, and the interest. This is what we do for you from £39.
4. Judgment and enforcement. If they ignore it, request default judgment. If they still will not pay, bailiffs, attachment of earnings, or a charge on property can follow.

Proving It: Your Evidence Checklist

• Bank statements showing every transfer to them (or bills paid for them)
• Texts and WhatsApps mentioning the money, repayment, or excuses — screenshots with dates visible
• Records of any repayments they made, however small
• Notes of when and how the loan was agreed, if it was spoken
• Anyone who knew about the loan — mutual friends can give statements

Do not worry if you have no written agreement. Most successful ex-partner claims are built on bank transfers plus messages. That combination is usually enough.

Time Limits

You normally have six years to bring a debt claim. For loans with no agreed repayment date — which is most loans between partners — the six years generally runs from when you formally demand repayment in writing, not from when you handed the money over. So even money lent years into a past relationship is often still claimable. That said, evidence fades and people move: act while the messages and statements are easy to find.

What It Costs

The court fee to issue a claim starts at £35 and scales with the amount claimed. It is added to your claim, so if you win, the defendant pays it back. JustClaim prepares and files the whole claim — the form, the particulars, the interest calculation — from £39 plus the court fee. No solicitor, no hourly rates.

The Bottom Line

A breakup ends the relationship, not the debt. If the money was lent, it is claimable; if they started repaying, they have all but admitted it; if they blocked you, the court process routes around them; and if you do not know their new address, the rules were written for exactly that. The only way the money is truly gone is if you never ask for it.